Self Care That Isn’t One More “To Do”
The COVID pandemic has prompted some much-needed reflection and perspective. The good news is we seem to have turned a corner as a culture that used to primarily focus on work as a source of fulfillment to one that values balance more. The problem is that some of us have turned so far to the “life” focus of the work-life balance that we now have a term for feeling stressed by relaxing activities: “stresslaxing”. (Okay, this isn’t likely to be adopted by the American Counseling Association as an official term, but I think even without reading the article, most of us know what that word means and can relate.) I believe that “stresslaxing” and Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) are two sides of the same coin: we want to take care of ourselves and feel good, and we don’t want to be caught failing at it. With Instagram and Facebook feeds filled with updates about home spa days, meditation rituals, the “best” scented candles and green smoothies, it seems like everyone else has self-care down, and the idea of even listing things that might be nice to do for ourselves feels overwhelming.
Self-care does and should take time, but that means allocating time out of your day that isn’t spent on other people. (Yes, that means reducing the amount of time you spend on other people. This reminds me of a job I had in higher education where the Dean of Students—-who was being completely serious—-had to rewrite job descriptions with percentage of time on tasks broken out and HR had to tell her that an employee cannot have more than 100% of a job.) Just because an expectation has nothing to do with reality does not prevent someone from trying to push you to make it happen, but why encourage the insanity? We have 24 hours in a day. That’s it, and you should be sleeping for at least 8 of those. We also have to eat, shower, take breaks, walk our dogs, and all the other stuff.
Life is busy, and the last thing any of us need is self-care that is a time suck. Based on all of this, I decided to provide some ideas for self-care that focus on how to do less and are more about managing your life in a way that puts your well-being first. If you want a home spa day, a wind-down beverage, a walk, a trip to the gym, or a night binging a TV show, that’s great! Go for it. Just don’t feel like you’re “failing” if those types of activities are just burning you out more.
“No,” Is a Full Sentence
Nobody is entitled to an explanation if you say “no.” You don’t even need to have an explanation for yourself. If your gut is telling you not to take on one more thing, that’s all the information you need and the why isn’t anyone else’s business. If you’re reading this, you probably need to practice saying “No” more often. Yes, you will feel guilty and worry about disappointing people, but if you give it a chance, I think you will notice that other people have been saying no for a long time. Maybe you even resented them for it a little bit at the time. I suspect that once you start declining more obligations, you won’t want to go back.
Turn Off Notifications
You are not the fire department (and even the fire department has shifts.) Set times to silence notifications on your devices for certain hours. Most cell phones even have an option for setting this automatically.
Keep a Running Shopping List
Stick it on the refrigerator along with a felt-tipped pen that is also tethered and jot stuff down as you run out of it. This makes it easier to know what you really need without having to sit down and write a list separately and it means fewer trips to the store.
Use a Weekly Pill Box
If you take vitamins, medications, supplements, etc. designate a little time on Sunday to just fill the pillbox so you do not need to wonder “Did I take this today?” or scramble to find bottles every day.
No Work Contact Outside Work Hours
People have needs, for sure, but you do too. One of those needs is to not have to hear from them for more hours a day than the ones you’re paid for. Also, if your employer is not flexible about time, only start working at your designated start time and end work at your designated end time.
No Work on Breaks or Lunch
If you take your scheduled breaks and use them as intended, it will help you be more focused during your work time. This means less multitasking and more productivity because you can just make a call if you need to or run a quick errand without a weird mix of work and personal priorities competing in the same space.
Combine Errands
I want to be clear on this one: sometimes it’s nice to go run an errand as an excuse to get out for a bit. That’s totally fine, but for the times when you just feel like you don’t have enough time in the day, anything that helps reduce time driving or commuting is worth it. One thing I’ve struggled with when it comes to this is accepting that some items at “one-stop” stores like the grocery store or Target are a bit overpriced and I could save fifty cents making an extra stop, but I soon realized that my time is worth more than that. My sanity is definitely worth more than that. So yes, even if it means paying a little bit more, if it saves you a trip, I say it’s worth it.
Unfollow People on Socials
If there’s someone on social media who consistently rubs you the wrong way just unfollow them. You don’t need a reason. You don’t need to label them as toxic or make a fuss. Just unfollow them. It’s also okay to limit the time and attention you give to in-real-life people who you would rather not spend time and attention on. Life isn’t a popularity contest. Some people won’t make extra time for you and you have every right to be just as judicious about how you use your time and energy.
I hope this provides some ideas for you to save more time and energy for yourself without doing extra things. Feel free to share if there’s something you’ve enjoyed doing less of or cutting out to free up more of your day.
