Sexual Assault Awareness Month
April has been Sexual Assault Awareness Month in the United States for 21 years. It’s difficult to say exactly how many women and men have survived a sexual assault, but studies generally put the prevalence between 1 in 6 men and women or even as high as 1 in 3 women. (Note: per the Centers for Disease Control fast facts linked there, the rates are higher.)
As a counselor specializing in trauma, the majority of clients I have worked with have experienced sexual violence in some way over the course of their lifetime. Unfortunately, due to the taboo nature of the crime and the young age at which people often experience sexual violence, many people don’t even realize what to call their experience until much later. The common thread is something along the lines of, “I knew something wasn’t right, but I wasn’t sure what to say.” Another theme that comes up, especially with survivors attacked in their teen years involved the victim sneaking out after they were supposed to be in bed or lying about staying at a friend’s house when they were going to a party. The sad outcome of these situations is survivors of these attacks often feel like they can’t talk about what happened because they either don’t have the vocabulary to express what happened or they’re worried that they will get into trouble for reporting the crime.
In young adulthood, women on college campuses, especially residential campuses, are particularly vulnerable to sexual assault. Unfortunately, even though the number of women on campus is often higher than the number of men, the resources for survivors of sexual violence are typically limited. Women’s centers often have to fight for funding (if the campus even has one) and campus police as well as administrators have a track record of trying to keep reports within the university community to discourage reporting. This practice often deprives survivors of access to services like counseling and medical care through the Victim Witness program as well as validation and justice. This practice also reinforces the idea that as “second class” citizens, sexual violence, typically a gender-targeted crime, is something women are just supposed to tolerate.
Obviously, women are not the only ones who suffer from sexual violence. LGBTQ community members often are targets as well. When I refer to gender-targeted violence, it has less to do with how the survivor identifies and more to do with how the perpetrator perceives the individual and the intent of the violence against them. These crimes are often enacted as a form of physical power and control over someone in a less dominant social position. It’s important to keep in mind that it has nothing to do with sexual attraction or appeal.
In short: sexual violence is not flattery.
Sexual violence is a disgusting power play.
I found it particularly upsetting today when Ukrainian President Zelenskyy reported to the United Nations that Russia has raped and sexually assaulted women and children during its violent attacks. However, this is a clear reminder that it is an act of violence. It is not a misguided act of passion gone awry. I’m sure we can all agree that there’s nothing sexy about a bloody war zone with small children looking on.
What To Do
Trying to end sexual violence completely probably is not a realistic goal, but it’s a worthy goal. I encourage everyone I know to take a zero-tolerance approach to anything that blames survivors or reinforces misinformation about rape and sexual violence.
A lot of this goes back to what we learned in pre-school: keep your hands to yourself unless you have permission to touch someone else. Always get consent, and if you don’t get it, don’t do it. Getting turned down may be disappointing, but pushing for more is illegal and appropriately so.
If a friend or family member tells you that they have experienced sexual violence, they need your total support and acceptance. Listen to them. Share that you care about them. Ask them what they need most from you in that moment and follow their lead. While it can often seem like the supportive thing to do is to encourage someone to report, it’s important to respect the survivor’s wishes. For some people, reporting can be an important and empowering step, but it isn’t always, and it isn’t always what the survivor wants to do. The choice to move forward with a formal report doesn’t provide any indication of how true the survivor’s account is. Unfortunately, sexual violence is committed with impersonal intentions, but it has a highly personal impact on the survivor.
If you have survived a sexual assault or another form of sexual violence (or you’re not sure,) you can find information and resources on the National Sexual Violence Resource Center’s site at https://www.nsvrc.org/find-help.
