When to take a minute
August is almost upon us which means vacations for some and long days of waiting for colleagues to return to the office for others. The parking lot at one of my favorite pubs is emptier than usual some Wednesdays. It’s all a reminder that people are getting out of town for a much-needed break from the heat, smog, and the grind. However, our electronics follow us almost everywhere. Even some campgrounds offer WiFi in certain areas and most will let prospective campers know how strong the cell service is at each campsite.
It’s hard to let go of work and all the other things we worry about. In 2018, a study by Ipsos showed that 48% of respondents from the United States workforce indicated that they never check work messages on vacation. However, that means at that time, 52% did. Between rage quitting, quiet quitting, and pushes for a 32-hour work week, I suspect that has changed. (I hope it has changed.) Just because we aren’t checking work email doesn’t mean that other things aren’t vying for our attention during our time off.
Anyone with a cell phone or a computer (or both) knows that notifications are constantly going off for news alerts, online orders, Facebook updates, etc. Something is always vibrating or dinging. A screen is always lighting up. Now our personal lives are the digital leash. It’s stressful to be so connected to so many things that we don’t have much direct control over.
Sure, the upcoming election is important and it’s important to vote, but until the ballots are out and cast, we can’t do much about that. Of course, volunteering, calling, etc. can be excellent ways to channel nervous energy. While that works for some people, it can be too much for others. Maybe you don’t have the bandwidth to do one more thing. I began my year thinking I could easily incorporate weekly meal prep into my routine. I still haven’t gotten there. I’m definitely not ready to do anything extra for the fate of the nation.
It’s okay to admit to things like that. Everyone has limits. Whenever I read an article about boundaries or stress, the resounding message boils down to: we need to say no more often than yes. Embrace a healthy level of irresponsibility. Not sure you can water a plant weekly? Don’t add a plant to your life right now. Can’t do meal prep? Stock up on easy-to-prepare items or try component cooking.
The most important thing though is to move from feeling the need to react to everything immediately to considering your response—-or if a response is even warranted. This is going to come up a lot with a contentious election and all of us spending time online. I remember hearing a proverb that goes something like, “Before you speak, let what you say pass through three doorways: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?” If it doesn’t make it through those, don’t say it. I don’t always follow this advice because I haven’t mastered being less reactive yet, but I do it more often than I used to.
Progress is what matters, not perfection.
One way to reframe moments when you feel like you have to say something or have to do something is to consider how you will feel later knowing how frazzled you were when you chose to take whatever action you took. Is that going to feel good to you? Probably not. Unless it’s a true 911 emergency, most things can wait. I think a lot of us get attached to deadlines associated with “shoulds.” I “should” be able to write a novel in six months. I “should” be able to graduate with my BA in four years. Here’s the thing, those time frames are guidelines formed on the idea that everything goes as planned. My life definitely hasn’t gone as planned lately. I’ve still tried to make everything fit, but sometimes, it just doesn’t, and that’s okay. It’s okay to take a day or two to just do nothing and come back to your life refreshed. It’s okay to ask for extensions, leaves of absence, etc. (One caveat on extensions: if you are a college student with ADHD, I’m not saying extensions are forbidden, but make a clear plan for how you will use that extra time to complete the outstanding work because your extension is delaying a professor’s vacation and you want to make the most of the opportunity to put your best work forward. Soapbox down.)
Prioritize your needs. Get rest. Eat nourishing food. Spend time with people who enrich your life. Turn off your phone for ten minutes a day. Anything worthwhile will still be here when you have taken a moment for yourself.
