I Went to My Parents’ to Shelter-in-Place. Does that make me weird?
During a time of crisis, like a pandemic, it’s natural to want to be close to people who make you feel safe and secure. Also, since experts are saying the social distancing measures might be in place until May or even later, that’s a long time to be cooped-up alone. For young professional city dwellers who have roommates that have taken this as an opportunity to spend more time with their significant other, wanting to go “home” and be with your people is understandable. It doesn’t make you weird at all.
Potential Pitfalls
Typically, these issues arise during the holidays when people visit family for more than a few days, but even though this isn’t a holiday, we still see similar problems. You are at the house with your parents or people who raised you as a child, and you might find yourselves “regressing” into old patterns. Mom or dad might question you about where you’re going whenever you leave to take a walk or go to the store. They might try to regulate what you watch on TV. While these are behaviors of caring and concerned parents, they’re out of place when the “child” is over 18.
Another complication is substance use and misuse tend to rise in stressful situations where people are spending more time at home. This can often lead to people saying or doing things that they later regret. It can be particularly difficult when you’re stuck in tight quarters with people who know you well, but you may not want them knowing everything about you.
On a more pessimistic note, domestic violence also tends to rise when tension is high and people are stuck together like this, especially if unemployment is a factor.
If you, or anyone you know, suspects domestic violence, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
Shift the Dynamic
Consider having a family/house meeting where everyone can share their preferences and boundaries regarding shared spaces (e.g. the kitchen and bathroom,) quiet times, how supplies are replenished, etc. Move toward treating each other as roommates rather than focusing on being family all the time.
Respect work time and encourage others to do so as well. It’s helpful to have a clear understanding with your employer that even though you are most likely working remotely and have a home office, that doesn’t mean the expectation that you always be available should apply. This way, you can be available to your loved ones when you’re off the clock, and can feel better about reminding them that you need to do your work when you are on it.
For general pointers on any time you move back in with the parental units, check-out this post from Moving.com.
Take Time for You
Carve out some alone time. A ten minute walk or a brief meditation through an app like Calm can be a sanity saver. The more time you can spend relaxing and getting yourself into a calm space, the better your interactions with others will be. It’s hard to view another person’s behavior with true compassion when we aren’t taking care of ourselves.
Headspace, Breathe, Oak, and Shine are several other possible apps to try for daily guided meditations. You can also find a lot of free ones YouTube.
Share Resources & Refrain From Problem-Solving
A lot of people really need someone to listen to them right now. While it can be hard to hold back, it’s important to remember that if a family member or a friend contacts you and shares their concerns or fears, they probably just need you to listen. Feel free to offer an extra roll of toilet paper if that helps solve a problem they’re having. Otherwise, focus on listening and validating their feelings. Want to be a better listener for family and friends? Check out 13 Steps to Being a Better Listener by PsychCentral.
